Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
