That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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