K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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