My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
