Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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