im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
