A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
