He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
