WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
