I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
