I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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