hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
