I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
