try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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