Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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