wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize