Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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