He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
only you would photoshop your dick
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
