K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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