Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
