I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize