How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
