apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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