I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
