Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
