Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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