and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
