so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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