A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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