am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
