That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
so much tequila, so little girl.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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