I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
