I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
