Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
