i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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