areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
