Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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