what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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