We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
