What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
