My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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