you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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