the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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