My sheets look like a crime scene.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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