I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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