Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
