I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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