im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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