i already hear my dad disowning me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
