Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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