his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
