Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
