She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
