I wish I could teleport
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
