You made me cry and you don't even care
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
