So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
