this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
