whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
