ugly people sure do ruin things
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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