y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
