I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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