I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
