It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
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i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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