yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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