3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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