I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
