Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
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She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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