in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
