I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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