dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
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i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
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The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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