Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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