thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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