You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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